Forever yours
by Roo-san
Summary: I have to do this, I cannot live in dreams alone...
1. Chapter 1

Hi again! Firstly, I apologise for this chapter, it isn't that great, but is necessary to the story! Bear with me, it should (muse permitting) get better! I have tonnes of ideas at the moment, but not enough time to write them. However, reviews make me write faster…(no bribery at all!) Also, thanks (again!) to my editor, Near-kun, you are amazing! :-)

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This is the only way. For days I've lain awake, listening to you breathing softly next to me, desperately trying to escape the inevitable. But I can't. I know now this is what I must do. At the start of this battle we both swore the other would die; yet I never thought love of all things would interfere with my plans. I cannot kill you, nor can I watch as you, my reason for life, condemn me to death. There is only one way out.

I must end my life now, before my secret is uncovered. We cannot exist for long like this, perfectly balanced, no one to win, no one to lose. Soon, one of us will disturb this twisted harmony and the other will fall. This is how it must end – a destiny as certain as night following day.

I will not see you die for my mistakes. You have helped me see that Kira was wrong; you cleared my vision and in doing so allowed me to love. It may not be requited, but I refuse to stop the heart I live for.

I could confess, allow you to kill me in atonement for my sins, instead of dying by my own hands. Yet, although we are the greatest of enemies, I believed you when you said I was your first friend. Killing a stranger blackens the soul, what irreparable damage would be done by taking the life of your closest companion? No, I can't let your beautiful hands be stained forever with my blood. This is something I must do and I alone.

I do not fear death – every day spent so close to you is torture enough. I am always near you, constantly reminded of everything I cannot have. How I long to run my fingers through your hair; pull you close and call you mine. I ache to whisper my love for you and worship you with kisses. I would never let you feel alone or unloved; I would make sure you knew how special you are. I would always be there to hold you through the night.

But that can never happen – I must live in life as well as dreams. My love is unwanted; to you I am always a friend, never a lover. Death will be a relief.

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Sooooo…that's that chapter done! Thanks for reading so far….if I beg will you review? Please?? (tries to look adorable) :-D


	2. Chapter 2

Here again! I've just realised that I have never actually written a disclaimer! Thankfully, no one has sued me yet! Now I have tempted fate, I better write one…:-)

Disclaimer: I do not own Death Note, at all, in any way, shape or form except these stories, a plushie and my cosplay; okay?

Now…on with the show!

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As soon as I woke I knew something was wrong. I am usually roused from my sleep by you shifting in the early morning, your body radiating delicious warmth beside me. Now all there was, was stillness and aching, aching cold.

I turned and saw you laying there, your usually glowing face pale and lifeless, I reached out, and the truth hit me, filling my mind with ice.

Light is dead.

Your hand was cold under mine, your slender fingers already losing their suppleness. I couldn't, wouldn't believe. Light, my Light – my first friend, my first love…was gone...

The knowledge ripped a hole in my heart. I felt the grief well up inside me and burst out, a cry filled with pain so deep that all the demons of hell would have had mercy. I could hear footsteps running down the corridor, but no-one else mattered anymore. I could only see Light; the cold, empty shell of the man I loved. I felt Watari leading me away, pressing something into my unresisting hands. I was left alone, the door doing nothing to muffle the agonised sobs of Light's father.

Through my tears I looked at what Watari had given me. Lying in my hands were two white envelopes, both written in that neat, cursive script that I had come to know. Both were for me, both from Light. My trembling hand opened the one addressed simply with L.

L,

Do not think you have defeated me, Yagami was too weak to rule, he succumbed to his emotions. Gods do not love, they are free of humanity. This set back won't deter me; I will not stop in my search for someone to create a perfect world. And when I find them, L, the final battle will begin – man against god. I will have no mercy on anyone who stands in my way.

Keep running, L

Kira

The knowledge that Light was Kira brought me no joy. I had won, for now, but now I must fight alone. My dream was broken; the hope that we could be happy together – no Kira to poison our love – was shattered beyond repair. My eyes fell on the other envelope, the inked name stark against the crisp whiteness of the paper. I opened it slowly, too distressed to hypothesise what it might contain.

My dearest Ryuuzaki,

Goodbye. I wish I could say this to your face, tell you all the things that I've kept in my heart, but the time for that has passed. No longer can I wait, watching you get ever closer to discovering me as Kira, knowing that it will be you to sign my death warrant. Death wouldn't matter to me then, I would welcome it. My life would have ended the second I saw the look of unbridled hate in your eyes. You are what I live for.

I regret never telling you this before. I regret never knowing your name, not to kill you with, but to hold in my heart, to comfort me in the darkness. I regret ending my life without ever feeling your sweet lips on mine; even if you were to push me away, the memory would be enough to sustain me. But mostly, I regret being your enemy. I never wanted to be. I wanted to make the world a better place, somewhere we could live in happiness. Kira was wrong. I was wrong.

If I thought there was any chance you might have forgiven me, I would have given up the Death Note without hesitation. I would abandon my dream of ruling over a perfect world, all for you. Yet I know you could never forgive, much less return the love I feel for you.

So, I will take the only option left open to me. I will end my life now, knowing that as my last seconds tick away, you are by my side. Please tell my family I love them, and I'm sorry it had to end this way. I beg of you, my dearest, please know that I did this out of my love for you and remember me fondly. Knowing that you rejoiced at my death would be worse than anything Mu has in store.

My heart is now, and forever, yours

Light

X

Black flowers bloomed in pools of crystal as my tears erased the last words of the man I loved.

Okay, just to clarify Mu Nothingness, where Death Note users go after death! Thanks for reading this far, reviews maybe? (As I haven't actually written the next chapter yet?) :-D


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